Motherhood as a Spiritual Journey

 

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MY STORY OF MOTHERHOOD

Four years ago (in 2012), I became a mother of two.

Before that (as a mother of one), I’d been able to hold things together fairly well.  I managed the hell out of my one child.  But I managed to keep her, myself, and our home in some semblance of equilibrium.

But everything changed when my sweet younger daughter came home.  In fact, all hell broke lose!

I almost instantly lost my balance.  My whole life felt off kilter (hence the name of my site!).  Our home was transformed into a warzone seemingly overnight.

Everything that I’d managed to keep under control…all the anger I’d stored up from my own childhood…well, that anger just started billowing out of me in heaving waves.  Rage screamed out of me like a raging river.  I had finally – once and for all – lost control.

I felt as if I had been swallowed up by own mean mother and had started to mother my own children in the same destructive way that I’d been brought up.  My worst fear was coming true.  I was brought to my knees.

The short-term result was a very unhappy home.

But the long-term gains of this near brush with insanity would be far greater than I could ever have imagined possible.  The unstoppable flood of anger surging through me forced me to do my personal work.  It forced me to not just look at my traumatic past and acknowledge that I’d had an abusive mother (as I had in talk therapy), but to begin the process of healing those deep childhood wounds.

And so I share my journey with you on this site, in hopes that it might support another mother who feels her life spiraling out of control and is need of a life raft.  I don’t have any answers.  All I have is my story:  growing up hurt and scared, managing to create my own family that I loved so much only to begin feeling as if it were slipping through my fingers when we added a second child to our family, and ultimately my triumph:  forgiving my mother and myself in order to start parenting from my own center (as opposed to my inner child’s broken heart).

THE PROBLEM:  THE MOTHER WOUND

So what the hell was the problem?  My mother was abusive.  Okay, fine.  I talked about this in good old fashion talk therapy for more than 10 years.  But I made a conscious choice to be a different kind of mother.  A better, kinder, more loving mother.  So why couldn’t be the kind of mother that I want to be?  Why was motherhood turning out to be so difficult for me?

Turns out that the problem has a name.  It’s called the MOTHER WOUND.

Bethany Webster eloquently explains the mother wound as follows,

“In our patriarchal, male-dominated culture women are conditioned to think of themselves as “less-than” and not deserving or worthy. This feeling of “less-than” has been internalized and passed down through countless generations of women.

Of course, most mothers want what is best for their daughters. However, if a mother has not dealt with her own pain or come to terms with the sacrifices she has had to make, than her support for her daughter may be laced with traces of messages that subtly instill shame, guilt or obligation. They can seep out in the most benign situations, usually in some form of criticism or some form of bringing praise back to the mother. It’s not usually the content of the statement, but rather the energy with which it is conveyed that can carry hidden resentment.

The way for a mother to prevent directing her rage to her daughter and passing down the mother wound, is for the mother to fully grieve and mourn her own losses.”

Mother Wound:  Overview

Mother Wound:  Further Reading

HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND

I attribute my successful healing of the mother wound to a type of energy healing called Somatic Emotional Acupressure (SEA).

Mother Wound:  Healing with SEA

Our Children’s Mother Wounds

A key to the SEA process and healing the mother wound is the idea of conscious parenting.

Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s beautifully explains conscious parenting as follows,

“Instead of being merely the receiver of the parents’ psychological and spiritual legacy, children function as ushers of the parents’ development. Parents unwittingly pass on an inheritance of psychological pain and emotional shallowness.  …(In a) conscious approach to parenting, however, children serve as mirrors of their parents’ forgotten self. Those willing to look in the mirror have an opportunity to establish a relationship with their own inner state of wholeness. Once they find their way back to their essence, parents enter into communion with their children, shifting away from the traditional parent-to-child “know it all” approach and more towards a mutual parent-with-child relationship. The pillars of the parental ego crumble as the parents awaken to the ability of their children to transport them into a state of presence.” (Amazon.com – Dr. Tsabary’s book The Conscious Parent).

Conscious Parenting:  overview

Conscious Parenting:  Our children are our  Mirrors

Mother Wound and Conscious Parenting

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