Posted by: Tracy Barsamian Ventola | March 31, 2019

12 years later…

 

My baby turns 13 tomorrow.  How is that even possible?!

I went to a spiritual workshop over the weekend and came to a kinesthetic understanding that has been 12 years in the making.  (We adopted my big girl when she was one year old.)

This weekend, I learned that my power is in my stillness.  I can only be a good enough mother when my own pond is still.  I can only hold my children energetically when I am able to maintain stillness, when I am able to stay in my own experience and not energetically enmesh with their emotions.

When my big girl came home from China, I joined a women’s group.  The group wasn’t particularly memorable, but what stands out was my reaction to one of the healing models we studied.  The model sorted people based on their core wounding and I COULD NOT tolerate looking at my then one year old’s profile.  I COULD NOT tolerate the feeling in my body of her having to experience and struggle with the difficult feelings typically associated with her core wounding.

I remember standing up and saying, “NO WAY!  How can I fix this for her?  How do I make this okay for her?  How do I take away her pain?”.  The teacher calmly explained that I could not.  The only way that I could help her would be to do my own work, so that I would be able to hold space for my child on her journey.

Over the past 12 years, I’ve done a tremendous amount of spiritual work.  I’ve traveled to far away places, done plant medicine ceremonies, worked with countless teachers and healers.  But today, in a hot, smelly, haunted room in Watertown Center, I felt in my body and soul that I am a good enough mother when I maintain stillness.  In stillness, I am able to allow my children to have their own big, well-deserved feelings, without me getting enmeshed in or triggered by those feelings.  Only from this place of stillness am I in my power.  Often all the child needs is to be seen, to be witnessed with love.  And miraculously, I even get whispers from the divine when I need to DO something in order to support the child.

Stillness, peace, and quiet are where my super powers live.    


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: