Posted by: Tracy Barsamian Ventola | April 20, 2014

Conscious Parenting

Shafali Tsabary - Conscious Parenting Ted Talk

Shefali Tsabary – Conscious Parenting Ted Talk

I have posted in the past about how my children often serve as mirrors for me.  When my child’s behavior is throwing me off kilter, the child is never the problem, I am!  The child is triggering an old trauma OF MINE!  And when the child brings that old wound to the surface, it sometimes (okay, usually!) causes me to go CRAZY!  But if I am able to take a pause…to feel my body’s reaction…to consciously observe how my child’s actions are triggering me, I can react to the behavior consciously, not as a wounded child.

Now, I wish that I could say that I practice conscious parenting every minute of everyday.  It is my intention.  But I often miss the mark.  The other day, for example, my big girl got a sewing machine for her birthday and I was helping her to set it up.  As I got confused by the directions and Keira peppered me with questions about the new machine, I felt this terror boiling up in me.  The emotion really does not seem appropriate for the problem.  Feeling overwhelmed – maybe, but a feeling of terror because I couldn’t figure out the directions?  Hmmm.  At that moment in time, I was no longer 39.  I was probably 4, 5, or 6.  I was able to pause long enough that I didn’t lose my sh*t, but still I was visibly annoyed with my sweet girl.  Certainly not perfect parenting.  But not unconscious parenting either!

A few of my favorite energy healers have quite a bit to say about conscious parenting and the importance of healing our own childhood wounds.

Joy Del Giudice explains,

“…The best thing you can do for your child/children is to clear yourself of repressed emotional trauma. You will be affecting change for all your children and all your relationships…

Why?

Because during the first seven years of life we create our core survival response to life.

Often the behavior of the child IS a survival strategy to cope with their world. Understand-your child, while an individual, is also learning and responding to an expression of you that you may be unaware of, except through their mirror! If your child’s behavior and re-action to life is not what you would like for them to have or be, changing yourself may be the MOST beneficial choice for them!

When we are more authentic, our children learn to BE more authentic. And often, the child’s behavior that most irritates is linked to repressed memory in the adult’s unconscious trauma body memory. 

The child gifts us by responding and expressing to the energetic field of our own unconscious. Honor them by clearing yourself of what you are carrying…

What could possibly be better than to change yourself while they are young so they don’t imprint? With this work, we can both go backward and clear the imprint in ourselves, as well as, clear our neurology in present time so we do not imprint the next generation.

When we clear ourselves and our energetic field of human engagement, we meet the world in a whole new way. When we clear the system of traumatic response patterns, the world meets us with open arms. Your life is waiting for you to live it! Don’t keep re-living your past. Open the new chapter and spread your arms wide!”

And Carol Tuttle has quite a bit to say about conscious parenting, as well.

“We all struggle to feel whole.  The truth is, as adults, we still have an inner child longing for a parent’s affirmation, understanding and love.

You entered this world whole, complete, worthy and abundant.

Do you feel that way today?

If not, your inner child is crying out to you. You may have been wounded as a child by your parents because they were hurting as well and didn’t know how to awaken to and support your true nature.

But you don’t need your parents’ approval today to feel whole. You can be your own agent of transformation.

You can start today to nurture your true self as a parent to your inner child.

Once you learn your true nature and unconditionally love your true self, your inner child will begin to heal what your parents did not or were not able to do for you.

And if you are blessed to be a parent, you have the incredible opportunity to pass on a gift to your own children. Rather than passing on unconscious emotional baggage you inherited, you can bestow the gifts of joy, love, confidence and abundance.

Awaken your own consciousness and heal your relationships…with yourself and your children.”

Now Joy and Carol are both energy healers.  So they come at healing from a VERY different angle than western medicine.  Western medicine’s current answer to anger, unhappiness, depression, etc. is talk therapy (and medication).  I have done lots of talk therapy.  And I have to say that I have never been impressed with the results.  Honestly, it seems possible (even probable) for talk therapy patients to sit in their pain – to stew in their childhood wounds – forever!!  Where’s the healing in that?

BUT there is one clinical psychologist that continues to knock my socks off!!  Dr. Shefali Tsabary passionately advocates for a different paradigm in parenting.  And it all starts with a conscious self-awakening!  I posted a link to Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s Conscious Parenting Ted Talk a little over a year ago.  But, her message continues to inspire me.  Not only is she eloquent, but she is also a member of the medical community which should help to bring this incredibly important message to the masses!!  The Ted Talk is amazing.  Definitely worth 11 minutes of your life…even 22 minutes if you watched the talk last year!!

Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s message is “instead of being merely the receiver of the parents’ psychological and spiritual legacy, children function as ushers of the parents’ development. Parents unwittingly pass on an inheritance of psychological pain and emotional shallowness.  …In Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s conscious approach to parenting, however, children serve as mirrors of their parents’ forgotten self. Those willing to look in the mirror have an opportunity to establish a relationship with their own inner state of wholeness. Once they find their way back to their essence, parents enter into communion with their children, shifting away from the traditional parent-to-child “know it all” approach and more towards a mutual parent-with-child relationship. The pillars of the parental ego crumble as the parents awaken to the ability of their children to transport them into a state of presence.” (Amazon.com – Dr. Tsabary’s book The Conscious Parent).
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